Last night, Raven Symone and Kiely Williams had a 22-minute conversation on Instagram Live regarding their relationship dynamic during The Cheetah Girls. Ultimately, Raven forgave her for their past issues and Kiely issued a half-apology.
It was obvious Kiely was the guilty party, the jealous one and refused to take full accountability for her actions that made Raven feel ostracized nearly 20 years ago.
The conversation made me think about jealousy and resentment in friendships.
How can we hold ourselves accountable if we’re the jealous party?
Nobody wants to admit they’re jealous of someone. Let alone a friend.
: hostile toward a rival or one believed to enjoy an advantage: ENVIOUS
(according to Merriam Webster dictionary)
Jealousy can become a toxic emotion that further damages one’s self esteem and damages friendship(s) if not resolved.
You might be thinking, “I struggle with jealousy. Does that make me an ugly person?”
The answer is no.
Let me use myself as an example.
I had a friend I was both jealous and resentful of for years. I felt replaced by her boyfriend. As I navigated a toxic work environment and multiple traumas, seeing my friend’s daily selfies on Instagram made me feel more miserable about my life. When I would meet with her, she seemed happy. It was like she basked in sunlight, and I was stuck under a dark cloud. I had convinced myself her successes were a reflection of my shortcomings, my losses and my failures.
She was so free and unbothered. I envied that because I didn’t know how to be. As someone who has struggled with self-esteem and played the comparison game since age 10, not caring what other people think is difficult to shake. Seeing myself as who I am rather than how relatives, bullies, coworkers and society views me is a challenge.
It took awhile to acknowledge my jealousy and resentment because I thought it meant I was a bad person. But it didn’t.
Acknowledging your feelings is the first step. If you don’t know why, start journaling and speak with a therapist. I also recommend searching “how to deal with jealousy.”
It doesn’t have to define you.
How have you overcome jealousy?